I feel weak.
Weak as a love letter left in the rain.
And I can’t feel as much as Ive felt pain.
I can’t reach high enough to be what I need.
To be a savior,
mother of the year,
a centerfold,
or someone to turn to.
And in all these moments
My mind tells me I can’t live this way
But my heart still beats,
Fighting what otherwise would be a simple battle.
Its easiest to kill my heart, 
than to reach my mind. 
So I march on, in this endless tyrade,
To meet a fate more suiting,
to meet an equilibrium that both mind and body can understand.

My thoughts tell me to go on.
So I go deeper.
Jaded as that of any cold stone,
and the deeper I go the more I lose,
But it makes sense to not have as much.

And in my darkest of moments,
all is black and white.
Theres no hero, no accomplice.
Its only me and my own machine.

And in this darkness, in this.
I try looking up and I’m stopped
By all those things that weigh me down
And prevent me from keeping my chin up.
Yet in this moment, at the bottom of a rut
and much further,
I don’t see color and I don’t see the light,
And I see something thats darker than night,
And brighter than anger or spite.

A smile.
Simple, notable.
Understandable.
And its black and white as can be,
In that moment, I see.
Its clearer than an epiphany. 

Weak is not wrong,
Its a pillow at the end of a long day,
The fur of a stray.
And an envelopes seal.

Its what relates, and connects.
And what we conceal
is what makes us feel real. 

You belong with someone so much better. You have options. People who care, people who can devote. Our situation is such a delicate web. Every tug leads with a stress on another end. Its give or take, and I hope you lose nothing. I’m willing to give everything, yet, everything I give up is something you lose. The delicate web we weave. Two black widows on one web, trying to take existence at one moment, without ripping or tearing what has already been established.

This is so hard. Too hard, yet…
Its worth it. 

You’re my blue sky,
you’re my sunny day.
You take away, 
all the grey.
You’re the green of the leaves,
the motion of the sea.
Will you please,
stay with me? 

<3